I’ve had a few exchanges with a Ridiculously Attractive Person in my office building recently and I’ve stuck my foot in my mouth repeatedly. Each time I am reminded of the scene from Secretary in which Maggie Gyllenhall’s character, on the advice of an article she read in Cosmo, awkwardly compliments Mr. Grey’s tie in an effort to rekindle their relationship. She fails and leaves his office flustered and frustrated and looks so darn cute that I want to eat her but not in a sexy girl-on-girl kinda way. I want to swallow her whole like a little marzipan bunny.
About a month ago Ridiculously Attractive Person rushed into the elevator, soaking wet from a sudden downpour and I smiled empathically and said “Lovely weather for ducks, eh?” (apparently nervousness brings out my inner Canadian.) And she said “...what?” and I said “That’s what my grandmum says when it rains. Because it’s wet.” She absentmindedly mumbled “Oh. Yeah.” as she shook out her umbrella. And that’s when the third elevator passenger, a sandalwood-scented cisdude in a suit, smiled silently and looked down at his very shiny loafers. If he had offered to swallow me whole in that moment I would have been a very grateful bunny.
In conclusion, your British grandmothers cutesy colloquialisms are NOT pick up lines.
*Ladyface Life Lesson (n): A situation wherein I do dumb shit so you don’t have to. You’re welcome.
image from Rebecca Russell
Awwwww. "Lovely weather for ducks, eh?" Sounds like something my mom has said before. I smiled and cringed at this blog entry, thinking of how I feel your awkward pain!
ReplyDeleteWe've all been there. And my mom isn't even British.
I used to ramble on and on to attractive strangers, trying so hard to impress them and looking like a bumbling idiot in the process.
I find, "Hey, how are you doing?" works as well as anything, really.
I'll hafta try that one! ;) I'm a quiet lady so when the ONLY thing I say is lame...ouch.
ReplyDeleteI honestly think I would find, "Lovely weather for ducks, eh?" to be endearing, but that's just me. :-)
ReplyDeleteI would think, "Wow, what a dork," and I like dorks.
ReplyDeleteThank you for that. I can SO relate - dumb shit falls out of my mouth so often in the presence of beautiful peoples that I'm utterly convinced that the universe has implemented a quota that I'm required to fulfill.
ReplyDeleteIn response to poster Alex's reply: I also would find your grandmother's colloquialisms endearing. Also, "nerdy is the new sexy." (Same applies to dorks and geeks.)
Haha! I love the idea of a quota. It all makes sense now! I must just have an especially high quota... And I agree with each of you, nerds and dorks are endearing. (but I may be a bit biased) Anyway, thanks for the love!
ReplyDeletexoxo,
Ladyface