the intro...

Hello and welcome to my blog! I’m your hostess, Ladyface.

I'm a 27 year old queer femme sex worker. Between my fancypants day job and my super sexy side gig I spend a lot of time being an attentive, diplomatic Ladyface so this blog is where I’ll let my hair down...I might even curse. Though I curse like a kitten sneezes, which is too say it's infrequent and harmless and still shocks me more than anyone.

I am a sex positive lady and will write candidly about my kinks, my history, my exploits and my daily life (but only the good stuff). And so that I can write as openly as possibe, I'm keeping this space anonymous. All characters are real people in my life but all names are pseudonyms and always will be.




P.S. you can now follow me on Twitter! @1ladyface

Monday, January 30, 2012

Unfunny Bunny: a Ladyface Life Lesson*

         Hello beautiful blog lurkers! I’m sorry I didn’t post my usual Sunday blog entry. This weekend became suddenly crazy busy. I auditioned at my favorite strip club on Saturday and I started on Sunday (eeps!) so I’ve had strange work hours and very few sleep hours. I feel a bit like a zombieface and haven’t had a chance to sit down and gather my thoughts. (They will literally have to be gathered, since right now they are a pile of smudged cocktail napkin scribbles.) All this to say, the story of this strange and wonderful weekend will have to wait. But I’ve missed you readerfolk and couldn’t bear to go to sleep without posting something tonight. So for now, here’s a something I wrote on a break at work last week: 
              I’ve had a few exchanges with a Ridiculously Attractive Person in my office building recently and I’ve stuck my foot in my mouth repeatedly. Each time I am reminded of the scene from Secretary in which Maggie Gyllenhall’s character, on the advice of an article she read in Cosmo, awkwardly compliments Mr. Grey’s tie in an effort to rekindle their relationship. She fails and leaves his office flustered and frustrated and looks so darn cute that I want to eat her but not in a sexy girl-on-girl kinda way. I want to swallow her whole like a little marzipan bunny.
               I probably won’t ever stop saying dumb things in front of beautiful people but maybe I can aspire to marzipan bunny status and at least look edible while I make an ass of myself. If I could make someone smile my suffering would not be in vain. Wait, what am I saying? This has already happened.
              About a month ago Ridiculously Attractive Person rushed into the elevator, soaking wet from a sudden downpour and I smiled empathically and said “Lovely weather for ducks, eh?” (apparently nervousness brings out my inner Canadian.) And she said “...what?” and I said “That’s what my grandmum says when it rains. Because it’s wet.” She absentmindedly mumbled “Oh. Yeah.” as she shook out her umbrella. And that’s when the third elevator passenger, a sandalwood-scented cisdude in a suit, smiled silently and looked down at his very shiny loafers. If he had offered to swallow me whole in that moment I would have been a very grateful bunny.
             In conclusion, your British grandmothers cutesy colloquialisms are NOT pick up lines.

*Ladyface Life Lesson (n): A situation wherein I do dumb shit so you don’t have to. You’re welcome.

image from
 Rebecca Russell


  1. Awwwww. "Lovely weather for ducks, eh?" Sounds like something my mom has said before. I smiled and cringed at this blog entry, thinking of how I feel your awkward pain!

    We've all been there. And my mom isn't even British.

    I used to ramble on and on to attractive strangers, trying so hard to impress them and looking like a bumbling idiot in the process.

    I find, "Hey, how are you doing?" works as well as anything, really.

  2. I'll hafta try that one! ;) I'm a quiet lady so when the ONLY thing I say is lame...ouch.

  3. I honestly think I would find, "Lovely weather for ducks, eh?" to be endearing, but that's just me. :-)

  4. I would think, "Wow, what a dork," and I like dorks.

  5. Thank you for that. I can SO relate - dumb shit falls out of my mouth so often in the presence of beautiful peoples that I'm utterly convinced that the universe has implemented a quota that I'm required to fulfill.

    In response to poster Alex's reply: I also would find your grandmother's colloquialisms endearing. Also, "nerdy is the new sexy." (Same applies to dorks and geeks.)

  6. Haha! I love the idea of a quota. It all makes sense now! I must just have an especially high quota... And I agree with each of you, nerds and dorks are endearing. (but I may be a bit biased) Anyway, thanks for the love!