Hello and welcome to my blog! I’m your hostess, Ladyface.
I'm a 27 year old queer femme sex worker. Between my fancypants day job and my super sexy side gig I spend a lot of time being an attentive, diplomatic Ladyface so this blog is where I’ll let my hair down...I might even curse. Though I curse like a kitten sneezes, which is too say it's infrequent and harmless and still shocks me more than anyone.
I am a sex positive lady and will write candidly about my kinks, my history, my exploits and my daily life (but only the good stuff). And so that I can write as openly as possibe, I'm keeping this space anonymous. All characters are real people in my life but all names are pseudonyms and always will be.
P.S. you can now follow me on Twitter! @1ladyface
Sunday, September 30, 2012
Wednesday, June 6, 2012
Friday, April 13, 2012
Thursday, March 29, 2012
*Co-Puppy (noun): A close friend you love and respect and can be brutally honest with. You both sometimes do dumb shit and you trust them to let you know when you've mucked up and to help you fix it and vice versa. This very special person is called a co-puppy because two friends navigating their 20's together is like the blind leading the blind or two puppies trying to raise each other.
Tuesday, February 28, 2012
Mom: So what are you up to this weekend?
Me: I'm doing my first intermediate pole class Friday, Saturday I go on a date with a lovely lady and Sunday I’m getting my bikini line lasered.
Mom: Oh, how did you two meet?
Me: At a strip club.
Mom: Oh Ladyface.
Me: Mom there’s nothing wrong with dancing.
Mom: But it’s so gross, all those dirty old men.
Me: When was the last time you went to a strip club?
Me: Well I’ve been to about 20 and there are some I’d never go back to but there are several in town that are actually pretty great. Safe, fun, sex positive.
Mom: Eww. Just promise me you’ll never take your clothes off.
Mom: Ladyface! You’d never do that. Right?!
Me: I’m still gonna shower.
Mom: [laughing] Oh my god, you scared me.
Maybe she never has to know. But she’s already pestering me about finding a job in SF. And she’s concerned that I can’t afford to move. Really, I could move today if I wanted to but I’m committed to my day job through May. Ironically the club I work at is a hell of a lot safer than the dive bar I bartended at and she was thrilled when I started there.
So…I dunno. Is coming out necessary? Who does it serve? Is it selfish to come out if the alternative is just enduring a bit more well-meaning nagging than usual? My mum is a CPA and does my taxes so I suppose she’ll find out next year when I’ll have tax documents from the club I’m working at and clips4sale. Unless I can come up with a good excuse to take care of that stuff myself.
On a lighter note, we talked about the Favorite Child:
Mom: The Doodle doesn’t like other dogs very much. He’s more of a people person.
Me: Mom, your dog isn’t a person.
Mom: Oh, yes. Well, you know what I mean.
Me: Dad, I’m hungry, what should I eat?
Dad: Peanut butter! Doodle and I really like peanut butter.
Me: I was thinking more like a meal.
Dad: ...peanut butter and jelly?
Oh parents. I love how much you love that pretty pup. =3
Saturday, February 25, 2012
I don’t just wake up like this boys. No, it takes a whole team of singing birds and field mice an hour and a half to create this look. Okay, maybe not. But it really does take about an hour and a half to get ready before each shift (since there isn’t a femmification iPhone app yet.) Come on apple, get on it! I would buy that app in a heartbeat. Or a robot. Yes, a robot would be very nice. But it has to have joint-free hands or fancy silky gloves so our pretty femmey hairs won’t get tangled while they style our elegant updos. Thanks. But back to Ava, I suppose I might get sick of the commitment and simplify my look to reduce that time but for now the slow, deliberate self care feels pretty great.
If you follow me on twitter (@1ladyface) you may have seen my tweet about my new favorite book:
My recent strip club experiences have only reinforced my view that men, with the exception of some transguys and foot fetishists who know beautiful words like D’Orsay and Cole Haan, are opinionated but lack the vocabulary to communicate their testosterone muddled thoughts. Though most men do at least have a yes grunt and a no grunt, except for married ones who have a yes grunt and an uncomfortable “meh” sound.
“Always Ask a Man…” must have taken ages to write! I’m imagining a Diving Bell and the Butterfly type scenario.
p.s. I am aware that some cisdudes are awesome, well-spoken, self aware and appreciative of high femmeness but in my experience they are in the minority. Sorry boys. Also, I respect my clients and I realize that they don’t need to know what goes into the Ava look anymore than I need to know about their pipe welding or data entry or bull fighting. Though if I met a bullfighter I would have a bajillion questions for them, like wtf? And why?
Then I’d ask to borrow their cute little embroidered jacket.
Saturday, February 18, 2012
Friday, February 17, 2012
An online review of this place says “while some folks say that strip clubs are degrading to women; this one is degrading to you. The girls call the shots and they are not afraid to embarrass you in front of your friends.” So true.
Wednesday, February 15, 2012
If he were sober and I were ready I'd like to think we'd be curled up together with our dogs eating spaghetti and watching Lady and the Tramp. But since that's not possible** I may as well glitter up and dance the night away.
*That whole marriage thing has since been taken care of and they were already separated when we met. Home-wrecking isn't really my style.
**this is not possible not just because he's in jail and I'm having healthy boundaries (weird, right?) but also because he's much too much of a tough guy to watch cheesy romantic stuff. Really, we'd probably end up watching Death Proof or Let the Right One In. But only if he agrees to cover my eyes or let me burrow into his shoulder/neck/chest at the scary parts.
Friday, February 10, 2012
Wednesday, February 8, 2012
Tuesday, February 7, 2012
If I called myself Monroe or Bettie that would be a bit too obvious and pretentious. But when I’ve introduced myself as Ava several men have said “Oh, like Eva Braun?” Do you know who Eva Braun is? I didn’t. She was Hitlers lover.
Yipes. I would never date a man in a double breasted suit with pleated front pants and terrible facial hair. So I guess I do care who patrons associate me with. But really guys, I’m happy to give you a ridiculously raunchy lap dance and you can imagine me as a nurse or a school teacher or even your own mother but please don’t think of me as a Nazi, that makes me all kinds of uncomfortable.
Monday, January 30, 2012
About a month ago Ridiculously Attractive Person rushed into the elevator, soaking wet from a sudden downpour and I smiled empathically and said “Lovely weather for ducks, eh?” (apparently nervousness brings out my inner Canadian.) And she said “...what?” and I said “That’s what my grandmum says when it rains. Because it’s wet.” She absentmindedly mumbled “Oh. Yeah.” as she shook out her umbrella. And that’s when the third elevator passenger, a sandalwood-scented cisdude in a suit, smiled silently and looked down at his very shiny loafers. If he had offered to swallow me whole in that moment I would have been a very grateful bunny.
In conclusion, your British grandmothers cutesy colloquialisms are NOT pick up lines.
*Ladyface Life Lesson (n): A situation wherein I do dumb shit so you don’t have to. You’re welcome.
image from Rebecca Russell
Thursday, January 26, 2012
I think of OP as a really supportive community but there have already been a couple comments from epic DBags who have made some unfounded and spectacularly inaccurate assumptions about him. Regardless, what Inmate 12004 needs right now is love and support, not d-baggery. Are you a transguy? Or an ally? Have you or a loved one struggled with substance abuse? Please take a minute to contribute something meaningful and kind to the discussion.
lots of love (sans d-baggery),
a somewhat saddened ladyface
p.s. I'll go back to being ridiculous on Sunday. I promise. xoxo